


I feel like it's too late

by water_and_jellyfish



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Finale doesn't exist, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mystery, Post-Episode: s05e11 They Did What?, Regeneration, that's lazy writing, unexplained mystery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:42:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22912669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/water_and_jellyfish/pseuds/water_and_jellyfish
Summary: Edward cannot believe it's too late. His beliefs have nothing to do with it. Facts are facts - it is too late. His logical mind knows that, yet he can't accept that. It feels surreals. It feels... empty. World without Oswald is empty. Oswald alwayswas, for several years he was constant on Ed's life. He couldn't get rid of him even when he wanted to, even when he shot him and threw into water. Why now, then?
Relationships: Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma
Comments: 15
Kudos: 82





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is just a prologue, nothing out of ordinary here. I think I'll post one or two more chapters in this fic. Maybe finally I'll finish any longer than one-shot fic. 😒

Oswald came back home. He hung his coat and hat on the stand, and placed his umbrella next to it, swapping it for his cane. Noise coming from the dining room startled him, but as he was approaching it, he began to notice the sound didn't sound like a robbery or any other assault. It sounded more like... placing dishes?

''Ed?'' he called.

He didn't expect his friend to be back home by now. Sure, it was getting dark, but the Riddler often was busy till late night.

''Oh, Oswald!'' Ed looked at him surprised. ''I thought you'd be back later.'' He gave him polite yet a bit awkward smile.

Oswald was about to tell Edward the same could be told about him, but he bit his tongue seeing contents on the table. A bouquet of roses in the centre. Meals whose scent made Oswald's mouth water. Table neatly covered. Candles in candlesticks. He sighed pained and hoped Ed didn't notice that. He knew that this dinner wasn't for him, that he was not supposed to take part in it and probably wasn't even supposed to know about it in the first place.

''Uh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you'd have a guest.'' His voice was thin and small, and he wanted to kick himself for that.

Why it was so hard to say 'you' instead of 'we'? Following the time after the reunification they were almost inseparable. 'What are we having for dinner tonight?', 'What are our plans for today?', 'Where are we going?' and all other things they did together. He started slowly backing off, apparently Ed needed some personal space. And Oswald would give it to him. Like a good friend he was trying to be. Like a good friend that Ed deserved would grant him. Ed hasn't mentioned he had new, Oswald thought with dread, girlfriend. He hasn't got any since Lee. Or so Oswald had thought. Being honest with himself, Oswald could see why Ed decided against it and kept it in secret. Jealousy was an ugly beast and even though Oswald got better at keeping it at bay, he couldn't make it go away. It always stung and made him do things he regretted.

''I'm sorry.'' Oswald repeated. ''I'll let you be.'' He added with a smile, almost too painful to perform. He knew sorrow painted his face, he wasn't good at hiding emotions. And how he wished in moments like this he was! It would have spared him and his friend embarrassment. Maybe Ed wouldn't notice? Maybe he wouldn't recognise emotions behind it?

Ed noticed. This was sure. His expression turned into warm and sincere smile.

''No, please stay.'' Ed reached for Oswald. ''We don't have any guests tonight.'' He added nervously.

_We._

''Then why...'' Oswald was at loss at words and pointed at the table unsurely.

''Oh! This? I-I, um.'' Ed fidgeted with his fingers. ''Please, take a sit. I'm sorry. I thought you'd come back later. It's not ready. The cake is still in the oven. It was supposed to be a surprise.'' He was rambling.

''Well, I certainly do feel surprised.'' Oswald felt like he was regaining the ground under his feet. He found enough courage to speak normally again. And he spoke the truth: he was surprised. ''It's really nice of you, my friend.''

''I'm glad you like it.'' Ed seemed to be relieved.

''But why?'' Oswald couldn't contain himself from asking this question.

''Why not?'' Ed shrugged, but Oswald he he was hiding the answer.

Oswald looked Ed in his eyes and there was something... the peculiar way Ed's eyes shined, like a glimpse of admiration, longing. But it was simply his wishful thinking, Oswald was sure of that.

''I know you, Edward. You don't do things without some reason behind it. You like to have everything planned out.''

''Alright, you are right.'' Ed gave up. ''I simple wanted to do something to make you happy.''

 _You make me happy_ , Oswald thought and then he felt arising panic for even thinking those words.

''To thank you... for everything.'' Ed looked away like he couldn't bear to look into Oswald's eyes in the moment like this.

''I'm sure you don't want to thank me for everything.'' Oswald voice broke a bit in the middle of the sentence.

''Yes.'' Ed's voice was absent, almost empty. ''My bad. I'm just... I'm not good with words when it comes to conversations like this one.'' He admitted. ''You're my best friend, Oswald, and I wanted to thank you for that.''

''There's nothing to thank for, Ed. I think I should be the thanking one.'' Oswald chuckled. ''Well, look at us! You put all your efforts into this dinner and we behave like it was a funeral. I'm such a killjoy.'' He joked in hopes of clearing the air from brooding.

Still, it occurred strange to Oswald that Ed chose roses and candles for his thank-you-for-being-my-friend dinner. On the other hand, Edward Nygma wasn't a person who completely understood the meaning of gestures between people. He could be oblivious to those, so probably the double meaning of the dinner with roses slipped Ed's mind. Ed's explanation didn't exactly convince him. Not that he thought Ed had bad intentions. No. If Ed wanted something to happen to Oswald (and Oswald had no idea why would he want that now), he wouldn't have used dinner for this. Maybe it was out of guilt? He has seen it way too many times on Ed's face since he had shielded him from the grenade. He kept telling him it was nothing, that he shouldn't feel guilty about it, but it seemed to have the opposite effect on Ed, making him seem smaller like he was trying to hide away.

''Anyway, cake should be ready in an hour.'' Ed changed the topic.

''An hour can be quite a long time. Let's eat then, shall we?'' Oswald offered with a smile.

Ed took his chair and sat on it.

''If the cake burns, it's all on you.'' He lightheartedly pointed at Oswald.

''Guilty as charged.'' Oswald raised his hands.

''Just don't say that when Jimbo catches you.''

''I'm not stupid, Ed.'' Oswald rolled his eyes.

''I know.'' Ed said too softly for Oswald's liking.

Or rather it made Oswald too excited, leaving him to remind himself it wasn't the way he wished it was, making him feel disappointed again. He wasn't disappointed with Ed, he was disappointed with the fact that his dreams were naive. That he was naive. He was disappointed with himself. He felt he would never catch up with reality indulged in his dreams. Oswald raised glass of wine to his lips, hoping it would stop this feeling of emptiness. Ed followed his movement and raised his glass as well.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emotional rollercoaster. Things start as they finished last chapter - with a dinner. And then everything goes south. There are also flowers.  
> Descriptions of grief. Slight suicidal thoughts.  
> Mostly from Ed's point of view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is over 8000 words, so there are most likely some mistakes. Sorry about that.

Oswald coming home earlier than Ed had anticipated surprised him. His words about having a guest surprised him no less. Who was he supposed to invite? He had no friends apart from Oswald. He felt some kind of kinship with Foxy, but it wasn't enough to call him his friend.

Ed wanted to tell Oswald how he felt about him, but he could not. He was too afraid of making some slip and destroying their relationship again, once and for all this time possibly. He wasn't even sure if Oswald still loved him after all. And even if he did, he wasn't sure if he was worthy of his love. Besides, what kind of fool would still be in love with such a pathetic individual as Ed? An individual who is too weak to protect the ones he loves, so instead he keeps hurting them until he starts hating himself. So who?

This kind of fool that jumps on him, saving him from an explosion. His fool.

As they dined together, Ed felt the urge to touch Oswald's hand, but every time he did, he quickly withdrew his hand. Touching Oswald's skin burned his own. He wasn't allowed to touch him. Not this way. Not yet. Friendly touches and gestures were welcomed, but Ed didn't have intentions of being only a friend. Consequently he couldn't touch Oswald, it was almost like lying to him and after all their betrayals Ed had strong desire not to do it ever again.

Their evening passed peacefully and Oswald looked truly happy. The only interruptions in Ed's opinion were Ed's own words.

''Oswald, I...'' Every time he began he spoke not the words he wanted to, because those got stuck in his throat. So he made excuses, trying to make it less awkward.

''Oswald, I...''

''I'm grateful for your friendship.''

''I...''

''You're my best friend.''

''Oswald...''

''How was your day?''

''Did you have a lot of work at The Lounge?''

His words weren't insincere. Ed was grateful, Oswald was his friend. The only problem with them was he wanted to say something bolder. Every time Ed more or less cleverly avoided speaking out the words he wanted to speak, Oswald replied how grateful he was as well, how much their friendship meant to him. Ed knew Oswald well enough to know the Penguin truly meant them. So Ed let himself drown in softness of Oswald's voice, in his beautiful, albeit differently coloured eyes. He both loved and hated this disparity. It made Oswald look more dangerous, more intimidating, more mysterious. But it was Ed's fault. Oswald suffered because of Ed's actions (or lack thereof), he suffered _for_ him.

Every time he got lost in them, Oswald smiled gently and called him and Ed was quick to assure that he was paying attention to his words.

''Oswald, I...''

_I love you._

_''Tell him.''_

_I can't._

_''You are a coward.''_

His other half was right – he was a coward. He was brave enough to put candles and roses on the table, but not brave enough to confess his feelings for Oswald. Oswald, who was willing to sacrifice everything for him.

_Love is about sacrifice._

Oswald deserved to know. Ed also was ready to make sacrifices for Oswald. He finally knew the true nature of his feelings. It felt so liberating. It was so frightening. It made him shiver.

_I would do anything for you._

From time to time Oswald made a comment on Edward's cuisine, praising him. And Ed felt his heart beating faster and his face getting hotter and he heard blood rushing in his ears. It was intoxicating. He wanted more and then more.

Ed wished they could have stayed the whole night chit-chatting and drinking wine. Unfortunately, Oswald had some meeting planned for the next day. One of gangs was rapidly gaining power in the city. They started as a bunch of no-ones and they went unnoticed for far too long. It hurt Ed's pride he hadn't spotted them earlier. Penguin couldn't let them disturb their plans. Oswald excused himself and headed for his bedroom and Ed decided he could use some sleep as well. As they parted, heading to their respectable rooms, Ed turned to face Oswald.

He hasn't told him yet. He didn't feel strong enough to tell him.

''Goodnight, Oswald.'' Ed brushed gently Oswald's back.

''Goodnight, Edward. Thank you for this lovely evening.'' Oswald smiled before his bedroom swallowed him.

Lovely.

_Love_.

Ed still could call for him, but decided against it. Disappointed with himself he noted that he would have come up with yet another excuse.

Well, at least Ed knew he hadn't wasted their time. This time he didn't ruin their romantic dinner. However, he didn't confess either. He returned to his room and collapsed on his bed, tired from the excitements of the day. Still, he wasn't completely satisfied with it, longing for more, this curled, crawling feeling filling his stomach.

Ed thrashed around in his bed, his thoughts successfully chasing away any signs of sleep. What Oswald thought about this dinner? Had he noticed decorations? For sure he had, Oswald was sensitive about those things. Then why hadn't he made any romantic gesture? Maybe he had thought that Ed had been mocking him. No, he had seemed happy. Maybe he didn't love Ed anymore. He was fully entitled to, after all. It was Ed who had told him he could have never loved him. Ed has never corrected that statement.

He woke up in the morning, quite pleasantly surprised to find own he had fallen asleep at some point. Insomnia was not a good way of healing one's broken heart.

He took his morning shower, put on his usual attire and headed towards dining room. Olga had already cleaned the leftovers from the previous evening, which wasn't surprising. He went ot the kitchen, poured himself a cup of coffee, prepared quickly some sandwich and returned to the dining room.

Oswald sleepily rubbed his eyes as he entered the room. He didn't bother dressing for the day, still wearing his pajamas and a robe.

''Morning, Ed.'' He yawned.

''Good morning, Oswald.'' Ed said maybe a little bit too joyfully.

''I see that Olga has taken care of this place.'' Oswald noted.

''It would seem, so, yes.''

''I should have told her to leave flowers as they were. What a shame.'' Oswald sighed.

A grin spread across Ed's face. Oswald liked the bouquet. He started making plans of flooding his friend with flowers. He would probably piss Ivy off by doing so, but who cared?

''I can buy you a new one if you want to.'' The offer slipped from Ed's mouth before he could even think about it. Unfortunately, his mind was quick to assess the situation.

Oh dear.

''What?'' Oswald asked somehow sheepishly.

''The mansion could use some more plants to make it appear more lively, don't you think?'' Ed casually bit his sandwich in hopes of covering his nervousness.

''Yeah, that's a good idea.'' Oswald pointed at Ed, giving him a praise. ''Thank you, Ed. Maybe you could help me pick some?''

''I'm no expert, but I could give you a hand.'' Ed smirked behing his glasses.

''Don't try to fool me, Riddler. It won't work.'' Oswald warned. ''We both know you are not a humble person.'' He tilted his head. ''You've got an excellent memory, I'm sure you know more about flowers than I do.''

''Alright, you've got me there.'' Ed chuckled. He hoped he didn't appear to flushed. Was Oswald flirting with him?

''So...'' Oswald uncertainly started. ''Maybe you could fill me in on the plants in the evening? We could plan out where we should place them.''

''Sure, no problem.'' Ed shrugged like it was noting. But, oh gosh, it was for sure something. ''Anyway, I hope The Black Rat Gang won't cause nuisance for you today.'' He changed the subject.

''We'll see. I think the name is fitting. They are rats and nothing more.'' Oswald scoffed.

''Actually, rats are pretty smart.'' Ed raised his eyebrows.

''Ed, please.'' Oswald raised his hand to stop Ed from talking. ''This is not the time for your trivia.''

Ed visibly sulked in his seat and Oswald sighed, rubbing his nose.

''Sorry.'' Penguin amended himself. ''Don't take it personally, I know you just can't stop yourself. It's just... The whole rat gang thing is giving me headache.''

''No, it's OK.'' Ed was quick to reassure. ''I know you don't like my riddles and trivia.'' He looked away.

''No, it's not like that! I mean, sure, I often lose my patience when I hear them, but some of them are actually...'' Oswald stopped for a moment. ''Nice. I'm afraid I simply can't understand them.''

Was that a shy smile on Oswald's part? Ed watched the curve of his lips. The edges went up, but were trembling slightly. Oswald just had said he liked his riddles! Or, at least some of them. Ed felt like he had won a battle. But which ones he liked?

''I think you know their meaning, but you don't believe you do, so you give up.'' Ed dared him.

_I believe in you._

''Don't flatter me, Ed.'' Oswald spoke his name harshly. ''I can assure you I don't. I am a man of many talents, but riddles are not one of them. Besides, have you seen me give up?''

_Too many times. I've seen you give up your revenge, your hatred, your power and your health._

_For me. You shouldn't have. I don't deserve it._

''I would see all anger ended; Words retracted, tensions mended. I would see your ties restored; For disagreement, I abhor. What am I?'' Ed spoke.

''I've told you already, I can't guess it.'' Oswald rolled his eyes.

''Try.'' Ed encouraged.

''Alright. Death?''

''Death is not the answer for this riddle, Oswald.'' Ed scolded him.

''Why not? It was for the one you asked when Barbara was giving birth to the younger Barbara.'' Oswald shrugged.

Ed sighed, at least Oswald cared enough to remember his riddles. He decided to put his luck at risk. If Oswald guessed this one...

''I can flutter and take your breath away. I can take a beating, but do not bruise. If I stopped you would be sure to lose. Everyday I am with you. What am I?''

''That's it. You won, Edward Nygma.'' Oswald's words made Ed's own heart beat faster, however, what followed came as disappointment. ''I, Oswald Cobblepot, offically give up.''

''No, I wanted you to guess the riddle, not give up.'' Ed didn't hide the fact he wasn't too pleased with an outcome. He wondered whether he should ask the riddle he had told Oswald in their mayoral time, but decided it would be too obvious. It could potentially scare Oswald.

Ed was walking around the mansion, making notes where plants could be placed and which ones were the best for the place. He had other plans for the day, more Riddler-themed plans, but he had offered to help Oswald. He also wanted his cover up story to work. So he took notes on the temperature, humidity, the amount of light and tried to match which plants suited the best.

He decided that living room would look nicely with three new plants added, he would also put one or two in the dining room. He could also adopt a plant in his bedroom, it wouldn't hurt. Unless Ivy struck. However, the best idea in his opinion was to cover Oswald's bed in rose petals. Not that he could afford this gesture without making it appear too suspicious. He coughed awkwardly.

_Focus._

Turning putting flowers on the table into a custom could work as a good excuse to present Oswald with bouquets. More purple next time. Maybe hyacinths. He could also incorporate flower symbolism: hibiscus for rare and delicate beauty, purple heather for admiration, gardenia for secret love, foxglove for insecurity. He could make a whole bouquet of differently coloured tulips, since every colour carried its own meaning. Not to forget about lilies, Oswald's mother had adored them. Orchids were pretty fancy, there were some that trapped bugs in a basket made of their petal. He could buy one that connected purple and green accents.

Maybe he could also decorate bathrooms. His phone ringing made Ed sober up from the land of fantasies. He looked at the number and reluctantly picked up.

''Jimbo! What can I do for you?'' Ed made sure Gordon would hear venom in his voice. How dared he interrupt Ed as he was completing this surprisingly pleasant task?

''Edward.'' Jim greeted him stiffly. ''I need you at the GCPD.''

''Now, now. I am confused, I must admit. Do you want to arrest me or do you need my help?'' Ed said smugly.

''Nobody's going to arrest you for appearing here today, you can take my word for that. I'm calling you, because despite everything you've done, you were my colleague once.'' Jim sounded like he was uncomfortable. ''It's about Oswald.''

Ed opened his mouth to say something, but suddently his throat was dry. Had they arrested Oswald and called Ed to check another of Oswald's made up alibi? No, cops wouldn't believe the Riddler. What had Oswald got himself into this time? Ed hung up.

It didn't take a long time for Ed to arrive at the destination. When he entered GCPD headquaters, all police officers looked away, but he knew that as soon he turned his back on them, they would stare at him again. Some of them shifted uncomfortably. No one dared to speak. Not even Bullock. Harvey looked somehow sympathetic if that was even possible. Sure, the Riddler was intimidating, but Ed was used to hearing insults from the bolder cops whenever he entered the place. The air in the whole place felt unnaturally thick. The whole absurd of the situation prevented Ed from speaking, his smugness kept at bay. Something was _wrong_ there. There was no Oswald behind bars. Ed's mind started giving him ideas, sometimes Ed wished his mind shut the fuck up.

Gordon approached Ed. Where was Oswald? Was he in the interrogation room? Ed began to feel nervous.

''Ed.'' Jim greeted him again. Was he sad? He looked more serious than usually. ''I'm sorry.'' He put his hand on Ed's shoulder in something he probably considered comforting manner. ''You know the way.''

Of course Ed knew they way! He had worked there once. He knew the way to every place in this building. He moved his legs, but with every move they felt heavier. There was one place at the headquaters he knew all too well. In an odd way this room pulled him like a magnet and Ed wanted to resist.

_Please, it can't be that room. Oswald can't be there!_

If he was there, it would mean... Ed didn't want to think about it. But it was this, wasn't it? It would explain this bizzare spectacle. Every step felt like a fight. Almost like his feet got stuck in tar. Heart in his chest was fluttering madly. Jim walked next to him.

''He isn't there, is he?'' Ed whispered. He was too weak to ask in his normal voice. He didn't receive any answer. Maybe he asked too quietly, maybe nobody wanted to answer.

In Ed's mind it was enough of an answer that no one told him he was heading for the wrong room.

After what felt like a lifetime, he reached the door of the place he had worked years ago. Ed glanced at Jim, looking for some kind of sign. Jim nodded, but remained silent. Ed opened the door. On the metal table there was a body covered by a green sheet. Ed couldn't breathe properly, his breath quick and shallow. He was sure he would collapse any moment soon and his legs would suddenly decide his body for too heavy for them. Swaying, he walked to the table. He felt like his head was spinning. With shaking hands he grabbed the sheet and uncovered the body. Not completely, he left pelvis and legs covered. He gasped in a broken sob.

''C-Could you leave us alone?'' Ed asked using up the rest of his strength not to give in to the grief in front of Gordon. He couldn't take his eyes from Oswald. He had been stabbed five times in his chest. Ed felt some kind of gratitude for getting to see Oswald before the autopsy.

''Yes. I-He didn't deserve it. I don't care what others think, he didn't. I'm sorry.'' Jim said gloomily and left the room.

Ed placed his ear over Oswald's lips and watched his chest. Nothing. Oswald's chest didn't move. Ed couldn't feel any warmth coming from his mouth. He checked his pulse, but there was none. Ed felt tears running down his cheeks.

Only when the door closed Ed let himself scream and fell to his knees. He was crying like a child, his sobs making his breath uneven. Cops had most likely heard him, but he couldn't care less. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore.

''O-Oswald!'' Ed couldn't recognise his own voice, it sounded so jagged and surprisingly thick. Even darker.

Edward couldn't believe it was too late. His beliefs had nothing to do with it. Facts were facts - it was too late. His logical mind knew that, yet he couldn't accept that. It felt surreals. It felt... empty. World without Oswald was empty. Oswald always _was_ , for several years he had been constant in Ed's life. He couldn't get rid of him even when he wanted to, even when he had shot him and thrown into water. Why now, then?

He was too late, he never told Oswald he loved him.

Ed got up and put his head on Oswald's chest, it was still and silent. Then he brushed Oswald's hair, gently tugging it behind his ear.

''Oswald, Ozzie.'' Ed said sniffing. ''I'm sorry. For everything bad I've ever done to you.'' He caressed his cheek. ''F-for never telling you how much you mean to me. I-I wanted. I wanted to tell you! Yesterday... that I.'' Ed let out a sob. ''I love you. Y-yes, I do.'' He felt his lips trembling. ''I swear. But I'm such a coward.'' Ed felt the urge to kiss Oswald's forehead. But it would be unfair to kiss Oswald when he was gone. If Ed had denied Oswald love, he didn't deserve privilege to do it. ''I remember when I saw Isabella in this very place. I was broken, but it can't be compared to what I'm feeling now. You were right – I need you. Can you hear me, Oswald?'' Ed cupped his face. ''I need you. Wake up.'' He whispered. ''Please, wake up.'' He cried. ''Wake up! I need you to wake up! Oswald...'' Ed shook Oswald by his shoulders, then got lost in sobs again, wrapping his arms around Oswald. He seemed so small, smaller than usually. And unnaturally pale. Oswald was pale normally, but this was another kind of pale. His lips purple-blueish, his skin cold. If Oswald's eyes were open, Ed would see no life in them, only emptiness. ''Oswald, this is not funny. Please... I did this. Again. I failed you. I should have protected you. I should have got rid of them before they posed any thread to us.'' Ed cradled Oswald's body, pressing him to his chest. He looked over Oswald's shoulder. There were also two wounds on his back. They attacked him from the front and when he fell, they stabbed two more times. Seven wounds in total. It had taken only one for Ed to die.

Those rats! No, roaches! No, not roaches, roaches were durable. It didn't matter what they were. They deserved to die. Ed was filled with rage and the desire to kill them. With fire.

Ed was gently rocking Oswald in his arms and crying. He put his nose in Oswald's hair and inhaled the scent. He was completely lost. He didn't know what to do.

Jim walked into the room again. His presence startled Ed, who wanted to shoot Gordon for walking onto this intimidate situation.

''Ed, I know it's hard for you, but we have to continue our work.'' Jim said apologetically.

''What is here to continue? They killed him!'' Ed spat with hatred. The gravity of his words reaching him as he pressed Oswald's body closer. ''The-they theytheythey k-ki-kill.'' Ed uncontrollably sobbed. ''Oswald!'' Ed buried his face in his friend's shoulder, embracing him tighter, his sobs shaking his body.

''I know, but I need you to calm down. We can't help him. You won't help him this way.''

''GO AWAAAY!'' Ed shrieked, he hadn't known he could produce a sound like this one. His throat hurt. ''Just... just go away.'' Ed added powerlessly. ''Please, go.''

Jim had never seen Ed look this tired or distressed.

''Jim, give me more time.'' Ed begged almost breathlessly.

Gordon watched Ed cradle Oswald's body and sighed. He was not a man of stone heart, he could see that Ed was grieving. That Ed had strong feelings for Oswald. He doubted anyone could forge this kind of behaviour in a moment like this one.

''You're right. You need more time. I'm terribly sorry, Ed.''

''You said you were sorry like a twenty times already, but are you, truly? This is just one more criminal less for you, after all.'' Ed shook his head in denial.

''I am, Ed, believe me. Sure, you two know how to get down on people's nerves, but damn it! It's Oswald! I've known him for years now. I've never been close to him, but I have some respect for him. He was a criminal, he could be cruel, but he was better than most of criminals I've met.''

''Better than me for sure.'' Ed sadly noted. Oswald always was better than him, he was ready to make sacrifices for the ones he loved. Once Ed tried to prove Oswald couldn't love, but the truth was the greatest poets could learn a thing or two about love from him.

''When my police officers called, I couldn't believe them. It always seemed that Oswald was immortal. He always came back when you thought you would never see him again.''

''He used to come back in the least expected moment.'' Ed nodded sniffing.

''That he did.'' Jim smiled sadly. ''I'll go now, just don't spend the whole day in here.''

''I can't make promises in this matter.'' Ed said more calmly.

Jim huffed, but said nothing and quietly left Ed alone with Oswald once more.

Ed took a look at Oswald, studing carefully his body. He must have been dead for three to five hours now. How Ed wished he could go back in time. Tell him he loves him. Prevent this from happening.

''Oswald, I promise to fix you. I owe you this. I'll find Strange or some other way. I can't live without you. Please, don't leave me.'' Despair made Ed finally give in to his desire and kiss Oswald's forehead. ''You are the most important person in my life.'' He sniffed. ''I can't lose you. I need you more than I've ever needed anyone.'' Ed dug his fingers into Oswald's hair. ''You were right. There's no Riddler without Penguin. I've never told you that when I thought I had killed you I took drugs to see you. I wanted to hold onto you for a little bit longer. Hence my reaction when I saw you trapped by the Court of Owls. It was like my worst nightmare and my most secured dream were fulfilled at once.'' Ed chuckled bitterly. ''I'll make them pay for what they've done, even if it turns out to be Riddler's last gig.'' He said firmly. ''And if...'' Ed gagged. ''If I fail to help you, I'll follow you, so we won't have to be apart for long. But I won't fail, not this time. I can't fail you this time.'' Ed's voice trembled.

He didn't want to live in a world without Oswald. Ever since he had seen Penguin enter GCPD he had admired him. He wanted to follow him. Oswald drew attention, made people respect and obey him. He was made to rule. Of course people like those morons at the GCPD could never understand it. He had to admit that he also envied Oswald this respect, Ed never received it, always ridiculed and pushed around. Kristen took him for granted and after all this time that had passed since he had fallen for her, Ed was left to wonder what he had seen in her. On the other hand, thanks to killing her, he had made friends with Oswald. And Isabella... she was a beautiful doll, an eerie copy of Kristen with soft spot for riddles, but Ed could not tell if she was anything more than that at all. Oswald was the only person to truly and fully accept Ed. If Isabella had never appeared in their lives, would he have accepted Oswald's feelings? Ed knew that Oswald had been going to confess that evening. But Ed didn't know what his answer would have been if he was honest with himself.

''If things go wrong, take me with you.'' Ed begged. ''Why? Why you left me like this? What are you trying to prove, Oswald? Look, you won. Here I am, crying over you like I could never mourn over anyone else. Are trying to hurt me?'' He accused. ''Out of all thing you've done to me, this one is the worst. But the funny thing is that I'm not even mad at you this time.'' Ed glanced at his gravely silent interlocutor. ''I'm mad at myself for letting this happen and I don't know if I will ever forgive myself or even if I want to. I'm sorry – I shouldn't accuse you like that. You didn't this want to happen either, did you?'' Ed was slowly drowing circles on Oswald's forehead with his index finger, he found this movement soothing. Then he moved to running his finger up and down Oswald's nose. It helped him to calm down a little bit. He pressed Oswald closer once again and placed his head on Ed's shoulder, then started rocking his body slowly like he was putting a baby to sleep. He pressed a kiss to the black mess of Oswald's hair and smiled sadly. ''Shh... Ozzie, my love.'' Ed whispered, it was silly to hush a deadman, in reality Ed was hushing himself. He brushed softly Oswald's hair. ''I love you, I should have told you earlier.'' He rubbed carefully Oswald's back. He had to think about escaping with Oswald, then securing his body from... Ed couldn't bear the sheer thought of the word 'decomposition' describing Oswald's state. Finally, he had to find the way of bringing his friend back. Yes, thinking about planning and something that he could actually control and organise would help him clear his mind and grasp reality once again. Since he had found out Oswald's fate, Ed deemed the world to be like a shattered mirror, cracked without any reason. Oswald's death made no sense. Ed hummed a lullaby as he caressed Oswald's cheek. He felt waves of warmth hitting his neck in even periods of time. They were reaching his neck in the spot next to Oswald's head. It startled him.

''Oswald?'' Ed whispered, his voice shaking once more. Was it possible? ''Oswald.'' He cupped his face. It was cold. He laid Oswald on the table and examinated his breath again. He felt it, he heard it, he noticed the slight movement of Oswald's chest. ''O-Oswald.'' Ed mumbled mesmerised. He checked his pulse. It was weak, but it _was_ there. Ed histerically laughed. Either this was happening for real, either he was going mad. Ed put his head on Oswald's chest, listening to his heartbeat. ''Thank you, thank you...'' Ed cried again, this time out of relief. It appeared to him that Oswald was cold. Ed needed to warm him a bit, he embraced Oswald again, trying to shield him from the temperature of the room. Then he thought about his wounds, he had to check them! Surprisingly enough, there was no blood leaping from them, like the wounds began their healing process. Oswald was alive, alive. If Oswald opened his eyes now, Ed would see no death in them, only life. Ed kissed Oswald's cheek, he shouldn't have, but this was one of those rare moments when Ed let emotions drive him. ''Thank you, thank you, love.'' Oswald didn't leave him behind! He came back like he has always done – in the least expected moment. Oswald would never leave him behind. Ed had to do something about it. He had to... ''Jim! Jim!'' He called in a lack of better ideas. He checked Oswald's breath again, it was still present. Then it hit him like a rock that Oswald was getting cold here and he had his clothes on him. So he quickly put off his coat and placed it around Oswald's arms, cuddling him in it. He felt stupid for not thinking about it earlier. ''Shh... It's alright now. I'll keep you safe. It's going to be alright.'' Ed assured. ''Jim!'' He called again. ''Oswald. Ozzie, you'll see, it's going to be fine.''

Jim warily entered the room.

''Have you called me, Ed?'' Gordon asked.

''Yes, yes, I have.'' Ed said hastily. ''Oswald, Oswald.'' Ed swallowed.

The sight in front of his eyes appeared truly pitiful – Ed holding Oswald's corpse wrapped in his coat in his arms, almost constantly brushing his hair and mumbling something in whisper. Jim found it heart wrenching. He had never wished for this to happen to Edward or Oswald.

''He's alive.'' Ed sounded hopeful. ''There was a mistake, he's alive.''

''Ed, I know you can tell apart dead from those alive. I ask you to come back to your senses. He is dead. You said it yourself.'' Jim tried to reason knowing that Ed could be delusional.

''I made mistake, alright? We all made. He is alive! Check it yourself if you don't believe me!'' Ed dared.

Jim stood there for a beat, then he walked towards Ed.

''May I?'' He asked as Ed kept Oswald shielded from the world. Ed carefully granted Jim access. Commissioner put his fingers on Oswald's wrist. His eyes went wide, prompting victorious grin on Ed's face. ''Shit!'' Jim blinked. ''I need to call an ambulance. Look after him for this time. We should move him to some warmer place.''

''There's no need. I'll take him home. I know how to take care of him.''

''Are you sure?'' Jim raised an eyebrow.

''Yes, I am.'' Ed nodded.

''Well, then.'' Jim was confused. ''You're free to go, I guess. I'll let our forensics know.''

Ed wrapped sheet around Oswald's waist tightly, then he lifted him up.

''Do you need any help?'' Jim offered.

''No, I'm fine.'' Oswald was difficult to carry, but he had managed to carry him from the forest to his apartment at Grundy Street. He had some experience with carring wounded Oswald.

Jim opened the door for him and Ed left the obscure room with Oswald in his arms. This time all cops stared at this curosity.

''What's going on, Jim? Are we letting now people walk out with dead bodies?'' Harvey asked.

''No, surprisingly enough or not all, Oswald's alive.'' Jim crossed his arms.

''You're kidding me, right?'' Bullock took a sit from his bottle and almost choked on it.

''Not at all, I've checked that. Harv, what I've told you about drinking in the workspace?''

Bullock shrugged. ''Pshh, how many lives does that guy have got?''

''I'd prefer not to test it, honestly.'' Jim tilted his head.

''What are you looking at? Go back to work!'' Bullock scolded his colleagues.

Ed left the GCPD headquaters. Opening the door of his car emerged as quite problematic thing as Ed had his hands busy with Oswald. Nevertheless, he managed to open them. He placed carefully Oswald in the backseat and brushed Oswald's hair out of his face. He felt like a weight of the whole planet has been taken from his shoulders. He was happy, he wanted to laugh. ''I'm taking you home, Oswald.'' He said. Ed opened driver's door and sat in front of steering wheel. Then they headed for the mansion.

At home, he tended Oswald's wounds, even though there was not that much to do, and dressed Oswald into pajamas. He sat next to him and watched, sometimes brushing Oswald's hair or caressing his face.

''How could they make a mistake like this? They took an alive person for a dead one.'' Ed scoffed.

_''Imbeciles they may be, you know they didn't make any mistake this time. He was dead. We've checked it.''_ Riddler said and then planted a kiss on Oswald's forehead.

''How? He was dead and now he's alive!'' Ed tried to reason.

_''Do you mind really?''_ Riddler was busy kissing Oswald's neck.

''Could you just stop doing that?'' Ed requested and Riddler rolled his eyes. ''It's a bit unsetting.''

_''You're not the only one who went through grief today. Let me release tension. I'll leave no marks.''_

''I know you won't! You're in my head!''

_''Where's the problem, then?_ '' Riddler smirked.

''Anyway, back to your previous question.'' Ed decided to ignore Riddler's behaviour. ''I don't like unsolved mysteries and you don't either.''

_''True. But I prefer an unsolved question over losing our precious bird and so do you. If that's the price, I'm willing to pay.''_

''He's worth it, isn't he?'' Ed sighed and laid on the bed next to Oswald and kissed his cheek.

_''And now you are not complaining?''_ Riddler crossed his arms. ' _'You are a hypocrite, Ed.''_

''Today was enough of a rollercoaster, I need some rest. Besides, it's not fair for you to have all the fun.'' Ed placed his head in the crook of Oswald's head and soon drifted off to the land of dreams.

Bright morning light woke him up. Ed blinked several times and raised his hand to shield himself from the sun. He looked around, he was lying in Oswald's bed next to its owner. Ed blushed embarrassed.

''Oswald?'' He asked and they shaked him, but received no response. In a strike of panic, he examinated his breathing, but it was fine. He exhaled relieved, then brushed Oswald's temple with his knuckles. Ed got up, he had no time to waste. Even though he wished they would take their revenge on The Black Rat Gang together, he didn't know when Oswald would wake up and he couldn't risk them further endangering Oswald's safety. He had to make them suffer before their demise. He would let no member of that pack of dirt live. They took Oswald's life, even though he was alive again somehow. It led Ed to wonder whether he had actually killed Oswald. But that was another matter to which Ed wasn't granted the answer.

The next two days Ed spent planning his revenge and looking after Oswald. He wished Oswlad had awaken already, it would make things easier. Ed would then finally tell Oswald about his feelings. The recent events helped Ed make up his mind about it.

On the third day, he announced to Oswald, who was still asleep: ''I'm going to get rid of the rats once and for all. Take care of yourself, alright?'' With that he left the mansion.

Luring the gang wasn't difficult – they knew what they had done to the Penguin. Edward only hoped they haven't heard about the sudden resurrection. He sent them a message stating that the Riddler wanted to reach an agreement with The Black Rat Gang. He needed to be careful, they took down Oswald, after all. He visited the place of their meeting before they entered it and prepared all necessary surprises for his guests. Then he waited for their arrival. In two hours the gang arrived. Ed hid behind a pillar.

''Yo! Where's that weirdo?'' One of the members of the gang asked.

''Maybe pissed his pants when he saw what we've done to his bro.'' The other laughed.

Ed felt the urge to smash their heads, but instead waited for all the member to enter the warehouse. He glanced quickly before they could spot him. Everybody was in. Ed smirked and put his gas mask on. Then he pressed a button on his remote. The entrance to the warehouse closed.

''Shit! He's here!''

''Then find him!''

The gang started looking around the place, except for the one that tried to open up the gate.

''Joe, don't be a pussy!''

''Come on boys, somebody's gotta show him.''

_Oh, I'll show you._

Ed pressed another button and green gas started filling the space. Mobsters couched before collapsing on the ground. Ed waited some more time to make sure all of them were down. Then he tied them to chairs and hung barrel of acid over them. He deemed using the same punishment he had tried to use on Oswald for killing Isabella fitting. It gave him some sense of purpose. He saw this as ending that broken cycle, closing all unfinished business before starting a new chapter in his life. He exhaled loudly, yes, it felt good.

Soon he noticed that gangsters started waking up.

''Morning sunshines.'' Ed greeted them.

''Riddler!''

Ed had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. It was rather obvious it was him. What a bunch of morons. ''Yes, me.'' Ed let Riddler in the driver's seat. Days of their fight for power over their body were gone. ''And I wonder whether a pack of ignoramuses like you has any idea what are you doing here? Don't worry, I'll explain it, so your pea brains can comprehend this stream of information.''

''Yah think shittin' on us scares us?'' Speaker raised his head proudly.

''No, I don't think so. I'm not even sure if you are intelligent enough to be scared, but maybe I should ask Scarecrow about it. As you can see there are containers with a liquid hung over each one of your heads. There are also blocks of ice. As they melt, containers are going to spill more of their content on you. What's inside, you may ask.''

''Nobody's asking you, creep!''

''Why, yes, thank you for voicing your concern.'' Riddler went on unamused. ''Acid is stored is those containers. I can assure you it very painful death.'' He put emphasis on 'painful'. ''There's no way out.'' He smirked. ''And I'll stay here and watch you scream and die.''

'''s 'bouta Penguin?''

''Now were talking!'' Riddler clasped his hands.

''You're mad we killed him?''

''Dude!'' The other mobster sent his colleague accusatory glare.

Riddler's smile grew wider. They didn't know.

''Yes... and no. Oswald's fine.'' He announced.

''No one get's stabbed this many times and lives!''

_Wow, those idiots hadn't even bothered counting how many times they had stabbed him._

''Shut your ass up!'' Apparently even other members of the gang decided their colleague was a certified idiot.

''What? He's lying! If Penguin lived, he'd be here.''

One of them hung his head in a defeat. ''If you really have to kill us, kill him first, will ya?''

Some of the criminals started to thrash around in their chairs. First drops of acid were falling down.

''Maybe you are smart enough to fear the death, after all.'' Riddler mocked them.

As the more liquid poured from the containers, screams became more frequent and Riddler watched the acid bare their skin, then muscles, then bones. When all that was left were piles of dead unrecognisable bodies, Riddler set the fire and left the warehouse. He would love to watch it burn to the ground, but people were likely to notice the fire and call the fire brigade. With the feeling of fulfilled mission, he returned home and then told Oswald about his revenge.

Ed was sitting on Oswald's bed next to him, he spent most of his time this way last days. He brushed his hair, recently he had found out how much he enjoyed it. He only hoped Oswald wouldn't forbid him from doing it. He tucked a loose strand behind Oswald ear.

''Ed?'' Oswald's voice was hoarse. He blinked like he was trying to clear his vision.

''Oswald!'' Ed was joyful. He noticed how his friend tried to sit up. ''Slowly. There you go.'' Ed helped him.

''Ed.'' Oswald looked at him.

''I'll get you something to drink.'' With those words Edward was gone.

''Ed, wait.''

''Just a moment, Oswald!'' Ed shouted from the hall. Oswald scoffed. Ed returned quickly and handed him a glass of water, still holding its bottom. ''Carefully.''

''Thank you, Ed.'' Oswald gulped and put the glass on his nightstand. Then he wiped his mouth with his hand.

Ed saw the way Oswald looked at him, with the gratitude and warmth in his eyes. He probably thought that Ed had saved him. He was wrong. Ed did nothing to keep him save. He didn't deserve receiving looks like that.

''You found me?'' Oswald asked.

''Yes.'' Ed exhaled shakily. He needed to tell Oswald the truth about what had happened to him. He didn't want to admit his defeat. ''At the GCPD.'' He looked away. He knew he was going to start crying again if they were going to talk about it.

''There? Why?''

Ed felt lump in his throat. ''Jim called me.'' He waited for some reaction, but he interpreted hearing none as incentive to go on. ''You were... dead.'' Ed spoke the last word like he puked it.

''Nonsense! I'm pretty sure I'm alive.'' Oswald shook his head.

''I do hope so.'' Ed let a stiff chuckle and Oswald knew Ed wasn't kidding. ''You got stabbed seven times!''

Oswald grabbed Ed by his arms. ''Ed... I'm so sorry you had to go through this.'' He locked Ed in a hug and Ed melted into the touch. ''Thank you.''

''There's nothing for you to thank me for.''

''Well, I'm alive, that's something to thank for.'' Oswald looked Ed into his eyes.

''I didn't do it, Oswald. I didn't... No one did. You just... you just were dead and then you were alive again. You were unconscious for five days.'' Ed was shaking. Great, he was crying again.

''That's certainly interesting.'' Oswald nodded. ''Well, then. Still, I think I should thank you. For taking care of me, for example.'' Oswald wiped Ed's tears with his thumbs.

''I'm so sorry, Oswald. I failed you.'' Ed was sobbing even harder.

Oswald rubbed his back. ''Hush, now. Don't be silly, it doesn't fit the Riddler. You didn't fail me.''

''But-'' Ed sniffed.

''It's not your fault. Ed, I know how you feel. I've lost my mother and my father and then... you.'' Oswald hesitated for a moment. ''I blamed myself, I still do. I was too weak to protect my mother, too brainwashed to protect my father and too late to properly help you.'' Ed opened up his mouth, but said nothing and Oswald continued. ''And when I paid Hugo Strange to save you, I haven't supervised him like I should, even though I knew what this man is capable of doing. And so I made you suffer more and it wasn't even my intention. Yes, I am guilty of those things, but you are not responsible for the pack of rats.'' Now Oswald was crying as well.

''It was still more than I deserved. I had betrayed you and you still saved me. I've never thanked you for that. Sure, the chip wasn't an advantage, but thank you, Oswald.''

''You were still my best friend. What could I have done? I just wish I have done it better.''

''I also never thanked you for shielding me from the grenade. I kept apologising, so I forgot about thanking you.'' Ed brushed skin around Oswald's blue eye.

''I would do it again and then again, just to keep you safe.'' Oswald embraced Ed, hiding his face in Ed's shoulder.

''Please don't. I hate seeing you get hurt.'' Ed pulled him even closer.

''Luckily for me, you know how to take care of me.'' Oswald smiled.

''I killed them two days ago.'' Ed mentioned. ''I should have done it earlier.''

''It doesn't matter when. What matters is that they won't cause problems anymore.'' Oswald cupped Ed's face.

Ed actually wondered if Oswald remembered Ed telling him he loved him. It would explain his bolder demeanor. Or maybe it was finding out about his death. Either way, Ed wouldn't complain.

''Back then at the docks, you were right. I need you Oswald.''

''Of course I was right. We both need each other! I need you, Edward.'' Why Oswald had to look at Ed so softly?

''I've never needed anyone the way I need you. And I know I will never need anyone like I need you. I don't want to leave your side ever again.''

''You won't have to.''

''Please, don't leave me.'' Ed caressed Oswald's cheek.

''I will never leave you.'' Oswald put his hand on top of Ed's.

''Oswald...'' Ed whispered.

''Mmm?'' Penguin tilted his head.

''Do you remember our last dinner?''

''Of course I do!''

''I was going to tell you something over that dinner, but I was too scared and I didn't tell you. And then I regretted it very very much.'' Ed put his hand on Oswald's neck, feeling his steady pulse under his fingers.

_''If you are not telling him now, I am.''_

''I love you. That's what I wanted to tell you. I was so scared that I would never get the chance to tell you again.'' It was hard to decide if the sound that Ed produced was a laughter or a sob.

Oswald went silent, he blinked in a shock. Then he burst into a laughter. Ed didn't know if Oswald was laughing at him or if he was genuinely happy.

''I knew it! I knew there was something weird about the dinner!'' Oswald jumped in Ed's arms. Well, as much as he could in their positions. This wasn't exactly the reaction Ed had anticipated, but seeing that Oswald wasn't angry with him, he took it as a good sign. Then Oswald kissed his lips. Yep, definitely a good sign. He grinned and kissed back. Oswald laid back on his bed and Ed followed him. Ed's hands wandered around Oswald's back. Oswald shifted suddenly. Ed understood he had touched one of his new scars.

''Sorry. Did it hurt?'' Ed stuttered.

''No. No, it didn't. It's just... I'm new to those things.'' Oswald blushed.

''Oh. Do you want to stop?'' Ed offered. ''You may need to rest.''

''I'm fine, I swear.'' Oswald assured.

Oswald laid quietly by Ed's side. It seemed that Ed had fallen asleep. He let himself be embraced by Ed's breath, by Ed's presence. It felt like heaven, but he was sure it wasn't heaven, because no one would let people like them inside. And if this wasn't heaven, his happiness would be quick to end. Oswald moved away from Ed to the side of the bed. It was only a matter of time before Ed would decide his emotions carried him away, that this wasn't the true nature of his feelings. And then Ed would leave his bed and return to his bedroom. And Oswald would let him. And they would pretend this had never happened. Oswald would let Ed do it too. Like he would let Ed countless other things. He would forgive him, he had learnt this far there wasn't a thing he wouldn't forgive him sooner or later. He would do it like a friend Ed deserved. He had no right to keep Ed in there if he didn't want to. He wouldn't make escape harder for Ed. Oswald wished he had fallen asleep so he wouldn't see Ed leave, so he could pretend it was all a dream. Instead he pretended to be asleep and waited.

The weight on the other side of bed shifted, Ed was waking up. It was the middle of a night.

Oswald didn't have to look to know that Ed got up from the bed. Ed stood up so quietly, Oswald knew without looking. He felt Ed leave his bedroom and it was a true achivement on Oswald's part that he didn't cry. Only when the door closed he let himself cry, but he weeped silently. Thick, warm tears lazily running down his face. It was bound to happen. 'Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.' as some people used to say. He didn't believe this kind of cliche.

Imagine Oswald's shock when he saw Ed enter the bedroom again. Maybe Ed had second thoughts.

''Oswald?'' Ed asked.

''Where were you?'' Now Oswald had to know.

''In the bathroom, why?'' Ed appeared surprised by the question. ''Are you crying?''

''It's nothing.'' Oswald waved his hand dismissively.

''You know, you can tell me, right?'' Ed assured.

''I'm just stupid, OK?'' Oswald was ashamed he was so quick to judge Ed.

''No, you are not.'' Ed crouched and kissed Oswald's head. ''Is it about tonight? You can tell me if I did something wrong. You know, I don't exactly have any experience with men.'' Ed chuckled.

''No, I think you were great, Ed.''

''The same can be said about you.'' Ed smiled and brushed Oswald's hair. ''What's the matter then?''

''It's embarrassing.''

''Do go on.'' Ed encouraged.

Oswald sighed resigned. ''You would never leave me?''

''I will never leave you, Oswald! I marched after you into a war zone.'' Ed paused for a second. ''You didn't think I was leaving you, did you?'' He furrowed his eyebrows.

Oswald shrugged. ''I told you I was stupid.''

Ed rolled over Oswald and crawled under sheets. Then he wrapped his arms around Oswald. ''I think we have a lot to talk about in the morning.'' He kissed Oswald's neck, then put his head in the crook of Oswald's neck. ''But first let's get some sleep.''

''Good night, Ed.''

''Good night, Ozzie.''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uff, once I started writing this, I couldn't stop just like Isabella with cut brakers. ;P  
> I apologise if the flowers symbolism is messed up, I used wikipedia.  
> For riddles I used riddles.com, because I can't made one. Answer to the first one: an apology; to the second: your heart.


	3. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed surprises Oswald with breakfast, then they talk about their their feelings and their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to write an epilogue.

Ed woke up to Oswald's gentle snoring. Light was entering bedroom through windows and it looked divine on Oswald. Yes, the light looked divine on Oswald, Ed wouldn't think that Oswald looked divine in the morning light, because it could imply that Oswald didn't look divine in other sceneries and that was a lie in Ed's mind. Ed put his hand under his chin and admired the sight. He smiled. He had told Oswald he loved him and Oswald had accepted him. Oswald had asked him not to leave him. They had sex. So that was it? Was it? They were a couple, right? He peacefully watched his boyfriend sleep, because he felt that if he hasn't been calm, he would have exploded from the emotions. Ed leant in and kissed Oswald's temple.

Oswald sighed loudly, stirred for a moment and rolled over to face Ed.

''Sorry. Did I wake you up?'' Ed brushed Oswald's hair.

''Mhm.'' Oswald sleepily affirmed and cuddled Ed, buring face in his chest.

Ed wrapped his arms around Oswald and let him sleep for a little bit longer. Maybe that wasn't the right thing to think as Oswald was the fearsome kingpin, but Ed judged his boyfriend to be adorable.

''Do you even sleep at all, Ed?'' Oswald muttered after several minutes.

''Everyone does.'' Ed smirked. ''I slept very well tonight. What about you?''

''Very, very well.'' Oswald hugged Ed tighter.

''I'm glad to hear that.'' Ed brushed Oswald's hair.

Oswald raised his head and smiled softly at Ed.

''You've got such a beautiful eyes.'' Ed said completely mesmerised.

''Which one?'' Oswald tilted his head, playful smirk appeared on his face.

''I used plural form, didn't I?'' Ed didn't give Oswald time to finish rolling his eyes at his comment as he kissed him. Then he began untangling himself from Oswald's embrace.

''Ed, where are you going?'' Oswald pouted. ''Don't leave me alone. Eddd...'' He grabbed Ed's arm. ''You said you didn't want to leave.''

_So adorable,_ Ed thought.

''Calm down, my drama queen.'' Ed kissed his nose and smiled at the squeaky sound that left Oswald's mouth. ''As much as I enjoy lying in bed with you, I'd hate to see you starved.''

The promise of breakfast forced Oswald to get up from the bed. He had to admit it, he was hungry.

''Well, I had plans for breakfast in bed.'' Ed confessed.

''Oh...'' Oswald smiled sheepishly. ''That's nice idea. But let me help you!'' He offered.

''But then it won't be surprise, will it?''

''You're so petty!'' Oswald crossed his arms.

''I love you too.'' Ed smiled as he left Oswald's bedroom. Or perhaps their bedroom. Edward wasn't really sure about it yet.

Oswald scoffed and looked around. Finding nothing to busy himself with, he decided to take a shower. He walked to the wardrobe and opened it up. He didn't really want to dress in one of his suits, he would like to turn this day into a lazy day. Gotham somehow managed to survive last five days without him interfering, so it could take one more day. Also he wanted to spend this day on developing his relationship with Ed. On the other hand, he had spent five days in his pajamas, so he could profit from changing clothes at last. But he is not going to eat in bed in his suit. Another set of pajamas, then, Oswald decided. Having made up his mind, Oswald grabbed fresh pajamas and headed for bathroom.

When he had locked up bathroom door, he undressed. His eyes caught his figure in the mirror. He had five new scars on his chest. How many times had he been stabbed? Ed mentioned that, but Oswald couldn't remember. Oswald touched one of his new scars with curiosity and a tint of disgust. It didn't hurt on the touch. He turned around and looked back, he didn't fail to notice two additional scars on his back. He must have looked like a colander. He did not remember being stabbed in his back. Maybe he has already been dead when they had stabbed him there... Oswald couldn't help but feel arising anger. How could he have been so reckless? It had been so unlike him. He had walked right into their trap. He wouldn't have become the man he was, had he always been so thoughtless. He would have become a deadman much earlier, instead. But Ed took their revenge on rats. It occured to Oswald that Ed hadn't told him how he had killed them. Maybe because Ed had other things on his mind back then. Ed had looked so scared, so small when he had talked about it, like an animal backed in a corner, with nowhere to run. Oswald loved Ed, but involuntarily kept hurting him. He hated himself for that. He didn't even want to think what Ed must have been going through when he had found him dead. Oswald looked again in the mirror and watched tears run down his cheeks. The memory of Ed begging him not to ever leave him again was haunting him. He sniffed and carefully touched the scar that was the mark of his fall out with Ed like touching it could burn his fingers. Ed had told him he would never love him, that no one ever would. But it didn't matter now, did it? Ed loved him. Oswald decided not to dwell on this matter too much, at least not when he was naked in bathroom. Maybe later.

He walked in shower and turned on water. He washed his hair, his face and the rest of his body. Warm water helped release the tension from his shoulders. As he walked out of shower, he heard Ed call him.

''I'm taking a shower!'' Oswald called back while drying himself with a towel. He put on fresh pajamas and left bathroom. He felt water running down his neck, he should have wrapped a towel around his head, but he did not want to waste time on that. He spotted Ed peaking out of bedroom.

''Oh, there you are!''

''Yeah, I told you I was taking a shower.'' Oswald sighed. ''Why are you smiling?'' Oswald asked suspiciously, but Ed's mood was infectious, so it didn't work out as Oswald intended.

''I see you changed your clothes.'' Ed wouldn't admit that the sight of Oswald's wet hair got him completely.

''Well, I'd prefer not to stink.'' Oswald shrugged playfully.

''But you're still in pajamas.''

''Do you expect me to eat a breakfast in bed in a suit?'' Oswald raised his eyebrow amused.

Ed hung his head in defeat and shook it, but self-satisfied smirk didn't leave his face. He walked to Oswald and sneaked behind his back. Then he covered Oswald's eyes with his hands.

''Really, Ed?'' Oswald scoffed.

''I told you it was going to be surprise.'' Ed murmured in a low voice just right over Oswald's ear, so his breath hit it. He felt Oswald shiver slightly. He led Oswald into bedroom and then bed.

''May I see it now? You know that I can scent it, right?'' Oswald noted sceptically. In response Ed backed off his hands.

''Ta-da!'' Ed showed Oswald waffles covered in maple syrup.

Oswald considered asking Ed where had he been his whole life, but knowing that they knew each other for years now, he decided against it. Ed would most likely make some remark on that. Oswald quickly assessed that luckily they spent more time being friends than being enemies. The realisation felt comforting.

''You're spoiling me, Ed.'' He brushed his boyfriend's cheek.

''I'm afraid I can't spoil you more than you are already spoiled.'' Ed joked.

''Ed! How dare you!'' Oswald smacked Ed's shoulder.

''Ouch! What was that for?'' Ed laughed and Oswald joined him soon after.

''I love you.'' Oswald pecked Ed's lips.

''Well, lucky me. Now eat up.'' Ed took a fork and a knife and started cutting their breakfast.

''I think the Riddler should have his own culinary program. I'm not kidding, Ed!'' Oswald added as he heard Ed giggle at the idea. ''You've got real talent for that! Among many other things you've got talent for.''

''Oh, yes, I can make riddles about ingredients!'' Ed mocked him.

''Why not?''

''That's ridiculous, Oswald! Besides, I only want to cook for you.''

''Aww, that's sweet.'' Oswald placed his head on Ed's shoulder.

''Maple syrup is sweet.'' Ed noted and Oswald couldn't help but roll his eyes at that. Then Oswald raised his fork to Ed's mouth. ''What are you doing?'' Ed asked with disbelief.

''I'm feeding you.''

''Yes, but why?''

''So many questions! Just let me.'' Oswald urged. Ed decided not to argue with him. Besides, Ed was secretly enjoying it.

When they finished, Ed took their plates and carried them to the kitchen. Meanwhile Oswald once again faced the enemy that his wardrobe was. But now he realised it posed another issue – he had to make space for Ed's clothing. Ed was moving into his room, right? He hoped Ed was, he wanted to turn this place into _their_ bedroom. He started emptying the wardrobe, carefully putting its contents on the bed not wanting to wrinkle them. He was tiptoeing, trying to reach clothes on higher shelves. Luckily for him Ed returned. ''Ed, would you mind giving me a hand?''

Edward took one of boxes with no effort and handed it to Oswald. ''You've got moths in there?''

''No.'' Oswald shook his head not understanding why Ed asked about that.

''Then why are you pulling your clothes out of your wardrobe?''

''I...'' Oswald started insecurily. ''I assumed you'd like to move into this room. And you'd probably like put somewhere your clothes if you did. It's OK if you don't want to, I should have asked you about that.'' Oswald swayed nervously.

''I think that if we reorganise the placement of your stuff, this wardrobe is big enough for two.'' Ed wrapped his arms around Oswald's waist. Oswald wanted to share his bedroom with him and he was not going to let it slip past him. He had already wasted enough chances and might not be given any more. He was not going to lose Oswald any way again.

''So you want to-'' Oswald wanted to make sure, but Ed didn't let him finish.

''Yes. I'm glad you asked.'' Ed smiled.

* * *

After what felt like an eternity spent on tidying up Oswald's wardrobe and moving over Ed's stuff, they decided to relax in the living room. Ed lit up the fireplace. Oswald was squating on the couch. He smiled at the fire.

_Come on, baby, light my fire. Try to set the night on fire._

''You know, it reminds me of the evening after Butch had tried to kill you. I think it was the moment I realised I love you.'' Oswald felt the wave of nostalgia wash over him.

Ed wasn't sure how to respond to that. He felt sorry for Oswald who spent years loving him, even though Ed was trying his best to make it harder for Oswald. What was he trying to prove – that Oswald couldn't love or maybe that Ed couldn't be loved? Luckily for them both statements were wrong. When Ed looked back at his life, he had feeling that in the fact more than anything else he was trying to prove that he didn't deserve love. But Oswald was too stubborn and this time he was grateful for that.

''I'm sorry.'' It was all that Ed managed to say.

''For what, Ed?'' Ed had apoligised Oswald so many times that Oswald had no idea what could he be apologising for this time.

''For not telling you earlier. For not realising earlier.''

''It's fine, Ed.'' Ed looked at him with the glint disbelief in his eyes. ''Really, Ed, it is. Most of what has happened between us is my fault, anyway. When Penn came and I said I hadn't been good friend, I meant it. I know I treated you in a bad way, I know I'm selfish. But I'm trying to do better.''

''You are my best friend and I couldn't have asked for a better one. And please, don't act like I'm any better than you. I'm not good friend either. Everytime you wanted to bury the hatchet, I acted against you. When you forgave me, I wanted to act my revenge on you.''

''We make quite a couple, don't we?'' Oswald wrapped his arms around Ed's own.

''Yes.'' Ed kissed top of Oswald's head. ''I don't know why you put up with me.''

''Because you put up with me. Ed, may I ask you something?'' Oswald tilted his head to take a better look at Ed.

''Shoot.''

''If I told you before you met Isabelle, what would you do? If it makes you uncomfortable, don't answer, I'll understand.'' Oswald assured.

Ed didn't even feel like correcting Oswald, it wasn't important anymore. ''I don't know.'' Ed admited. ''Honestly, I don't. Things were so different back then.'' Ed zoned out for a moment. ''Penn.''

''What? What about him?''

''When he came and I shot him... I think that was my moment of realisation.''

''Do you think we should have escaped?'' Oswald wondered.

''Would you change your mind about stepping into war zone if I told you I love you?'' Ed answered with another question.

''For sure it would have made me feel more conflicted.'' Oswald snuggled closer. ''But the outcome is great, don't you think? We've got each other and we've got Gotham.''

''I'd follow you anywhere.'' Ed caressed Oswald's face.

''That's not good direction. I often get myself into troubles.'' Oswald scoffed.

''I've noticed.'' Ed chuckled. ''But still I would. I need you. I can't live without you. Everytime I've tried I discovered I couldn't.''

''I think you'd manage pretty well on your own if you wanted to. Maybe I shouldn't be telling you this, you may want to run and leave me all alone.''

''I won't, I promise. Believe me when I tell you I'd fail.'' Ed decided it was the time he told Oswald about things he was too ashamed to tell anyone. ''After I had shot you, I took drugs because they made me see you. I missed you, Oswald. I both hated you and missed you. I needed you.''

''You what?!'' Oswald shrieked. ''Edward, tell me you are kidding!'' Oswald stabbed Ed with his finger.

''I am not, Oswald. You know that I am not.'' Ed said gloomily.

''But why?'' Oswald's grip on Ed's tightened.

''I told you. And what do you think why I mocked you in Narrows? For the same reason – I needed your proximity.''

''Ed, that's not healthy.'' Oswald let go of his grip on Ed, only to cup his face.

''I didn't say I was healthy.''

''Well, if that's any consolation for you, I used to talk to you when I kept you frozen. I need you as well.''

''It's a shame I don't remember that.''

''It was nothing interesting, anyway.'' Oswald waved his hand. ''Mostly me ranting about business and life.''

''Still, I'd like to remember that. I love you, I don't want to live without you, Oswald.'' Ed ran his thumb over Oswald's lips.

Oswald heard enough to know what Ed meant by those words. The message scared him. Was Ed considering commiting suicide when he was dead? It was pretty likely. Last thing Oswald wanted for Ed was dragging him into despair.

''You didn't harmed yourself recently, did you?'' Oswald's voice sounded weak.

''I didn't, I'm fine, Ozzie.''

''Good, I don't want you to hurt yourself because of me.''

''Well, maybe you should have looked at your actions first. Who is getting hurt here because of whom?'' Ed's hand wandered to the scar of his making.

''Shut up.'' Oswald knocked Ed over while kissing him. ''I like it.'' Oswald said when their were lying on the couch, holding onto each other.

''What do you like?'' Ed asked rubbing his back.

''This.'' Oswald made some circuralish gesture with his hand. ''When you call me pet names.''

''You like it, Ozzie?'' Ed grinned before kissing his neck.

''Yes, Eddie, and I like kissing you and being kissed.'' Oswald kissed Ed back.

''I agree, that's rather enjoyable.'' Ed teased.

''I like being your boyfriend... we are boyfriends, right?''

It occured to Ed he wasn't the only one who was insecure about this new path in their relationship, who was unsure of clearly obvious things. They were grown up men, but behaved like a couple of teenagers.

''Of course! Why would you think otherwise? You can't seriously think I'm going to dump you. I love you, Oswald. I hope I made it clear. Tell me how can I make it clear to you.'' Ed pleaded.

''I know it, Ed. You don't have to prove it.'' Oswald played with Ed's hair. ''But it's that after all we've been through together and apart, it's hard for me not to expect that... it's not going to end well for me.'' Oswald had the words of being afraid of another betrayal on the tip of his tongue, but his anxieties shouldn't become Ed's burden. Accusing Ed of possibility he could have broken his heart again at some point was unfair, especially when Ed had seemingly no such intentions. ''That you'll change your mind.'' Words slipped from Oswald's mouth before he could have stopped them.

''So you thought tonight I changed my mind and decided to leave you in the middle of the night?''

_Like a thief,_ Ed's mind prompted.

''I've told you already it was nothing. I let my insecurities speak through me too often.''

''I will not leave you ever again, alright?'' Ed said firmly. Oswald nodded, but said nothing. ''There's another thing that has been bugging me.'' Ed went on. ''When you saw me preparing dinner, you backed off, why?''

Oswald sighed, he didn't want to make Ed feel guilty just because Oswald was too scared of letting Ed go. ''Do I have to tell you?''

''I won't make you, but I think it would help us with our relationship if talked about those things.''

Oswald could see the reason behind Ed's logic. ''But please don't feel bad about it.'' Oswald warned. ''Honestly, I thought you had some new girlfriend.''

Ed couldn't not feel bad about it, contrary to Oswald's belief it was his fault. He had poisoned Oswald, stomped Oswald's sense of self-worth. He kept poisoning him with every betrayal, with every venomous remark to the point where Oswald couldn't even believe that Ed would even look at him with admiration. It made Penguin think that sweets and spice and everything nice were for yet another Isabella waiting behind the corner to win Ed's heart and break Oswald's. It was a demon of Ed's making. Ed wondered if this poison would eventually have killed poor bird. Now it was Ed's duty to help him recover.

''Having girfriend never worked out well for me, have it?''

''What about boyfriend, then?''

''I've never had one before, so I thought it couldn't hurt to have one.'' Ed smirked as he kissed Oswald. ''I think I should have tried it earlier.''

''Well, I've never had one before as well.'' Oswald confessed.

''No! I don't believe you!'' Ed shook his head.

''But it's true! Don't laugh! It's not funny.''

''But why? I'm sure you could have found someone if you wanted.'' Ed kept running his hands up and down Oswald's back.

''I didn't have time nor interest for that. I knew I wasn't attracted to women and you wouldn't find many gays among people I knew. And then I met you.'' Oswald shrugged. ''When I realised you were the only one, I never looked again at other men as at potential partners. All previous crushes stopped mattering.''

''All or nothing, huh? You like to risk.'' Ed kissed him.

''It was a long game, but if I may dare to say so, I think I won.'' Oswald mischievously narrowed his eyes.

''What about those crushes?'' Ed gently tickled Oswald, who stirred.

''What about them?''

''Come on! I'm curious! You know about my girlfriends. I want to know. It fair.''

''Well, let's see... I used to have a crush on Jim.'' Oswald blushed at his own stupidity.

''Jim Gordon?!'' Oswald laughed at the disgust on Ed's face.

''Yes, the very same.''

The sheer thought of Jim with Oswald made Ed nauseous. Jim Gordon? With _his_ Oswald?

''I think I'll kill Jim just in case.'' It was hard to tell if Ed was joking.

''I swear you have nothing to worry about in that matter, Ed. But, yes, killing him could be profitable for us.'' Oswald laughed, but Ed's mood suddenly shifted as he touched one of Oswald's scars on his back.

Ed inhaled loudly and held Oswald closer, needing to feel his warmth, his breath, to feel he was alive.

''Sh...'' Oswald tried to soothe him. ''I'm right here. It's alright now. Don't think about it. Forget it ever happened.'' Oswald pressed a kiss to Ed's forehead.

''I can't and I don't want to, Oswald. I want to remember, it's a warning for me.'' Ed's lips trembled. ''I'll never forgive myself if I lose you again.''

''Ed...'' Oswald sighed. ''You're not going to lose me and I'm not going to lose you. We've got each other.''

''Oswald, did I kill you?'' Tears were runnign down Ed's face.

''Ed, I told you it wasn't your fault.'' Oswald said softly but sadly.

''No... I meant when I shot you. If you died and came back, it's possible that I had killed you.''

''You didn't, Ed.'' Oswald kissed him again. ''Ivy would have told me if she had found me dead.'' Oswald wasn't entirely sure if she would, but if this tiny lie was going to make feel Ed better, it was justified. ''You didn't kill me, Eddie, alright?''

''I don't want to forget it has happened, I just want to forget the sight. I saw you dead, Oswald.'' Ed carefully caressed his cheek. ''Dead and cold. And...'' Ed choked on his words.

''But now I'm here, alive and I hope I'm warm.'' Oswald smiled sadly.

''Yes, you are warm. But the sight is going to haunt me for the rest of my life.''

''You'll learn to live with it. It gets better with time, I promise. You know, sometimes when I close my eyes I can still see my mother's death. But eventually you learn not to think about it. Especially when what had happened has been undone.'' Oswald was threading his fingers through Ed's hair. ''Consider it merely a nightmare.''


End file.
